Starting a New Journey

     I do not know where to start, I am a mother to too many but only one living here on earth with us... Our living son will be 2 next month and Time has just flown by. I cant believe that 2 years ago today I was on m way to the end of a very complicated rainbow pregnancy, and little did I know that I would be bringing the best thing in the world home.  Me and my husband spent a long time waiting, trying, hoping, praying, and wishing that we would be blessed enough to be parents to a wonderful living child, and eventually we were that blessed, but not without heartache before and after. Now we are starting our journey to our 2nd living rainbow. The joys of Trying To Conceive (TTC). We have decided for many reasons that now is the time. And we are jumping in head first, no more birth control and no more condoms... Some people may say we are crazy because of some of our current circumstances at the moment but like I will tell everyone who asks, there is never a "perfect" time for a baby, if you spend your time waiting for "this or that" to fall into place there will always be something waiting to take the place of "this or that" once it is done... There is no better time than the here and now... And, well, here we are, now...
     There are so many different emotions that are hanging on to this journey that we are starting, It all goes back to the very first positive pregnancy test I had to the very first time I heard the words "I am sorry but we can not find a heartbeat" There is nothing more devastating to a mother to be than to hear those words. Or to hear in someway that this beloved baby she is growing, that has been loved since the first positive test, is not going to make it... Unfortunately that is more common than some may ever know or understand. Life is too short to not cherish every moment. I will admit, pregnancy was miserable to me... I hated pregnancy from one milestone to the next, it was full of fear, pain, sorrow, terror, and lots of mixed emotions. I can not say that I was not happy during my Rainbow pregnancy because I was. But it was not an easy pregnancy, I had complications from the beginning. I was miserable until the day I delivered... But I was filled with joy more than anything when I held my son for the first time and watched his eyes look at me, felt his touch, heard his first cry, listened to him take his first breath.. And as much as I dread the pregnancy portion because I will never be able to "enjoy" pregnancy to the fullest of a mother who has never had any complications, I look forward to the possibility of expanding our family here on earth one day... So here we are, day 1, TTC... Wish us luck....