Today has been a long day, from all aspects.... work, schoolwork, home life, and just life in general... So many things on my mind that I can't stop thinking about... I have so much weighing on my mind it is driving me crazy right now and I feel like I do not have anyone to really talk to about it... So many things are going on in our lives I keep questioning if now is really the right time... And that question is followed by the question of how long it is going to take us to have another little one... And then that is followed by what if it happens right away and we do not get the chance to get to where we want/need to be before the baby is born... working where I am at I am getting no where, but then I have school and I am doing great at that, so far... We are hoping that this time next year I will be starting my externship and be on my way to my new career.. Hoping... We are also hoping that this time next year we will have 2 little ones in our house... but yet again that is just hoping... I hate feeling like I do and the recent events in our lives haven't helped...
Not only am I struggling emotionally, so is my husband... So many things in our life have changed over this last year it is not funny... Nothing has gone as planned, and life has hit us like a ton of bricks... Honestly I miss the military, I miss GA, I miss my friends, I miss my house, I miss MY LIFE................ Now we are trying to rebuild, outside of the military... and it is tough... I wish we could just rewind the last year or so and redo some things... but that isn't possible... Instead, we have to move forward... One day at a time, one hope at a time, and one obstacle at a time...
The more I talk about the future, it reminds me that 2 weeks from now my first rainbow will be 2 years old... already.... I managed to get his birthday off of work, which is GREAT!!! But I still have a hard time processing the fact that it has already been 2 years... He has grown up so fast and even though I haven't missed much of anything except for the last few months that I have been working and now going to school, it feels like I missed so much because it went so fast... But we can't stop time, so here we go, another day here and gone, another moment passing by, another opportunity waiting... As I close my eyes to go to sleep tonight, I will try to keep reminding myself of how lucky I have been over the last 2 years, how lucky I am to have been able to experience the things I have with MY SON... And keep my hope alive that one day I will get to experience these things with another one of my children... Hopefully that day will be one day soon... Only time will tell..
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